No Does Not Always Mean No

One of the first things I would tell my younger self is to learn the difference between a “no” that is final and a “no” that deserves another look.

Sometimes “no” means exactly that—it means no. The clearest example is when making a romantic overture and the answer is no. The matter is immediately closed. Respect the answer and go no further. Ignore that “no,” and you have crossed a line that should never be crossed.

More often than we realize, though, “no” really means “maybe,” “not now” or “I don’t know.” People frequently answer no because it is the safest response. Sometimes they lack enough information. Occasionally, they are simply mistaken.

When I was 16, I began taking flying lessons. During my FAA medical examination, I failed the Ishihara color vision test. The examining physician believed I would never become a licensed pilot. I was crushed.

My flight instructor, Jim, disagreed. He encouraged me to continue flying and explained that the FAA allowed applicants like me to demonstrate their ability through a practical examination. I took the test, earned a Statement of Demonstrated Ability, and every restriction was removed. Nearly 50 years later, I still hold an unrestricted FAA Class II Medical Certificate. Had I accepted that first “no,” I never would have become a pilot.

My friend Jeff always wanted to become a physician. He was rejected by medical school more than once but refused to quit. He kept improving his qualifications until someone finally said yes. Today he has practiced medicine for more than 30 years because he didn’t let one admissions committee decide his future.

My brother-in-law, John, also encountered an unexpected “no.” After becoming an Army helicopter pilot and serving successfully, military downsizing ended his active-duty career. Instead of giving up, he earned an MBA, joined the Army National Guard as a warrant officer, returned to flying Black Hawk helicopters, earned another commission and eventually retired as a decorated Army colonel after a distinguished career that included a combat deployment. What first looked like a dead end turned out to be only a detour.

I encountered another “no” when I applied to a large police department. Once again, I failed the color vision test. A recruiting sergeant told me

I could never become a police officer. My hometown police department gave me a different answer: yes.

I served there for 25 years, including my last nine as chief of police, before accepting a presidential appointment as a United States Marshal. None of that would have happened if I had accepted someone else’s opinion about what I could or could not accomplish.

There is, however, an important balance. Persistence is not the same as stubbornness. Sometimes “no” really does mean no. Wisdom is learning the difference.

But when a “no” is based on misunderstanding, incomplete information or someone else’s mistaken belief about your abilities, don’t let one person’s opinion write the rest of your story. Ask another question. Seek another opinion. Find another path.

Sometimes the answer isn’t really no.